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 Post subject: UPS Pilots
PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2010 9:51 am 
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Not sure if these are genuine but kinda hope they are :lol:

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form,
called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

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 Post subject: Re: UPS Pilots
PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2010 10:06 am 
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:lol: If they're true then those maintenance engineers need to be in stand-up! And even if they're not true, they're still damn funny quotes! :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: UPS Pilots
PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 6:07 am 
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These do the rounds in the crew room every so often. Whilst no engineer would dare put these responses on an official release to service form, it is the kind of banter they give us when we first tell them of a problem. :lol: always cracks me up.

Also, UPS have had several accidents, but none fatal. Qantas are often quoted as being the airline never to have had a fatal accident, which i'd say is much more of an achievement considering UPS don't carry passengers! :wink:

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 Post subject: Re: UPS Pilots
PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 6:26 am 
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I'm sitting on my back porch with my laptop, and now my neighbor's wandering what I was laughing at. This was hysterical.

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