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 Post subject: Pilot "Gripe Sheets"
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:48 am 
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After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

(By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 9:47 am 
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Hole in one(of their planes)

Actually Qantas have had an accident, about two or three years ago, when a 747 ended up on the golf course at Don Muang airport Bangkok, i don't think anyone was killed though.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 11:39 am 
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:lol:

This classic has been doing the rounds since Pontius was a pilot and still makes me laugh. The comment about not having an accident is no longer valid though.

In 1999, a QF 747 skidded off the end of the runway in a thunderstorm at Bangkok causing considerable damage to the airframe but no one was injured and the aircraft was restored to airworthy condition.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:02 pm 
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Sharkmouth wrote:
:lol:

This classic has been doing the rounds since Pontius was a pilot and still makes me laugh. The comment about not having an accident is no longer valid though.

In 1999, a QF 747 skidded off the end of the runway in a thunderstorm at Bangkok causing considerable damage to the airframe but no one was injured and the aircraft was restored to airworthy condition.

Image


Good enough for me! :thumbsup:


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 9:11 am 
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Sharkmouth wrote:
:lol:

This classic has been doing the rounds since Pontius was a pilot and still makes me laugh. The comment about not having an accident is no longer valid though.

In 1999, a QF 747 skidded off the end of the runway in a thunderstorm at Bangkok causing considerable damage to the airframe but no one was injured and the aircraft was restored to airworthy condition.

Image


Luckily no one was injured.

~Brian

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:04 pm 
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Seen this before, but it still makes my day. Thanks!

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 12:12 am 
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I read that it was restored at huge cost- Qantas could keep it's safety record, no aircraft of theirs have ever been written off. Most other airlines would have written her off

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